contempt and contempt and contempt for boredom

Sat, 14 Nov 2009 19:00:46 GMT

Sleeping in is good for you.

first breath after a coma

Sat, 14 Nov 2009 09:11:59 GMT

Sitting alone at starbucks isn't so bad actually. There's a sort of comfortable solitude and peace I derive from it. Perhaps the gorgeous weather helps alot too. Im glad I came out, this is the best I've felt in a while.

superbeatles.

Sat, 14 Nov 2009 06:10:04 GMT

i am sam.

Fri, 13 Nov 2009 20:02:17 GMT

Fri, 13 Nov 2009 16:10:03 GMT

I thought I was invisible in this house, but not knowing I was up all night in the bloody living room rushing my essay takes the cake. I think even if I shot myself in the hallway no one would realize either.

Fri, 13 Nov 2009 10:37:32 GMT

This being my last few sems in school, I really should have learnt to numb myself from the constant evidence of my stupidity. While I really shouldn't be wallowing over my petty miseries in life when others are going through even more devasting situations, I really can't help it. My mind just latches on to any small demon leering around the corner and just focuses on it like a hawk. It's almost as if I masochistically enjoy my self- loathing sessions, and not do anything to make myself better but just keep conjuring more and more demons out until I reach a living hell and just want to aphyxiated right at that point, or stab myself Elliot Smith style.

I tried to change things today and made myself a nice, heartwarming bowl of mushroom potage. But, it had to explode. And once again, here I am wallowing about how the whole universe is against me. I suppose I do have the perogative to do so, in a way. I'm not rich or gorgeous, well- adjusted with a nice family who have enough money to get by.

I think I'm just going to sleep, because everything is just getting out of control again and I don't know how to deal with it except escape. That's all I can do. I would rather jump off a building than confront my demons. One day, that just may happen. And we all know there aren't any superheroes to save you.

Perhaps I just need to crimp these blues away

this levee is about to break

Thu, 12 Nov 2009 10:40:25 GMT

On another note, I'm eating so much I feel like that fridge from Requiem for a Dream.

morrissey

Thu, 12 Nov 2009 08:16:15 GMT

Thu, 12 Nov 2009 06:39:01 GMT

I can't stop thinking that's I've lost you, no matter how needy that sounds.

procrastination nation.

Tue, 10 Nov 2009 07:35:39 GMT

So far I have:
1) Found three other post rock bands
2) Acquired a few new albums
3) Looked at design websites
4) Explored trip hop and decided I only like Massive Attack
5) Finish watching The Big Lebowski
6) Tabbed the Canterbury Tales.

HIghly productive I must say. Unfortunately, it's not in the realm of schoolwork.

Mon, 09 Nov 2009 17:05:40 GMT

I think I've been sleeping so much lately because putting up a front during the day just exhausts me.

I'm very scared to think that you have gone and try not to act as the hypersensitive clingy girl, but it's really getting much tougher. Everything is just breaking apart now, like the dream bubble that has held up its facade for so long that it's going to burst. I'm sick of trying to guess things. I'm sick of making excuses for you. I'm sick of my own naivity. I don't want to be alone again, think I need to escape to my sleep.

Mon, 09 Nov 2009 16:36:17 GMT

Mind fuck.

I'm getting very tired of dealing and trying to figure out people.

funny.

Sun, 08 Nov 2009 14:32:04 GMT

street surfer

Sat, 07 Nov 2009 23:01:22 GMT

I really do miss the streets and concrete surfing:(.

So Im up again at this godforsaken hour of six in the morning, a time where only padi rice farmers across Asia are up. Isolation festers depressing thoughts like tumours but lying in bed and immersing myself of the dark aural waves of Kronos Quartet makes a good escape. My head is spinning along with the swirls of post- rock progressions. Let's hope the day gets better. Starting with the room stop turning and my stomach stop churning.

it's a post rock revolution

Sat, 07 Nov 2009 07:06:10 GMT

shuffle your feet and sway to some post rock.

Thu, 05 Nov 2009 01:07:43 GMT

I'm up at 8am in the bloody morning because I woke up to the sound of pouring rain and wasn't able to go back to sleep. So now I'm stuck listening to Miles Davis and Tom Waits in an attempt to be poetic but I guess reading the Times magazine about the depleting tuna population isn't really all that jazz now is it. On the bright side, I get to catch my mum before she goes off to work = home cooked food. Well isn't that heartwarming like a bowl of soup and a sock monkey.

I REALLY wonder how it's like to be happy, contented and conventional. Listen to jason mraz and damien rice, loving food and being grateful to everything in life. Learning how to knit, cooking, posting up photos of wholesome fun. But no, I had to fall in love with rock n roll since primary 4, I had to pick up agro and skateboarding, I had to be lazy and be ambivalent about food (apart from desserts. omg. cookies!). I had to be weird, spout nonsense like I'm high and be unable to self- censor among normal people. While they post up pictures of that twilight dude, here I am posting up photos of dead rockers or those past their prime. Ok this self loathing has really got to stop. Shall go read on...discrimination in Japan to avoid such thoughts from inundating my brain so early in the morning.

Wed, 04 Nov 2009 13:07:15 GMT

Wed, 04 Nov 2009 08:52:13 GMT

Just to procrastinate, here's are the movies I have to re/watch once the holidays hit:

American Hot Wax
The Graduate
Easy rider
Taking Woodstock
Blue Velvet
High Fidelity
The Crow
The Machinist
Psycho
Big Lebowski

Wed, 04 Nov 2009 07:41:45 GMT

Even superheroes die.

like a rolling stone

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 19:21:11 GMT

Naise kicks.
So nice that now I'm severely poor to the point of destitution.
Maybe I should learn to make shoes out of tape like this dude

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 13:54:56 GMT

Did you know that too much sugar can induce depression?
I sure am feeling the adverse effects of post- halloween trick or treat haul indulgence. Perhaps I need abit more artificial happiness to get me going through the rest of the semester or something. Then die of from an epilepsy caused sugar shock. Yeah.
Death by candy. Tasty.
Sure beats not being able to feel. Not knowing to say. Not knowing to think.

Sun, 01 Nov 2009 12:36:41 GMT

You can shine your shoes and wear a suit
You can comb your hair and look quite cute
You can hide your face behind a smile
One thing you can't hide
Is when you're crippled inside

You can wear a mask and paint your face
You can call yourself the human race
You can wear a collar and a tie
One thing you can't hide
Is when you're crippled inside

Well now you know that your cat has nine lives, babe
Nine lives to itself
But you only got one
And a dog's life ain't fun
Mamma take a look outside

You can go to church and sing a hymn
You can judge me by the color of my skin
You can live a lie until you die
One thing you can't hide
Is when you're crippled inside

On another note...THE BUZZCOCKS ARE COMING! and i got my tickets. BOOYAH.

Sun, 01 Nov 2009 10:21:47 GMT

"The way typical emo bands sing about women is a volatile mixture of Ian MacKaye's strident puritanism—as in sex equals fear, failure, weakness—and self-obsessed sexist solipsism. If mid-nineties emo was mostly about not meeting girls or running away from them, emo's national generation dumbed it down and amped it up. Now emo songwriters were one-sided victims of heartbreak, utterly wronged and ready to sing about it, with the women having no chance to respond"

So now, for some oldschool emo. Back in the day where they wore sweater vests and were clean cut, rather than had tight clothes and long fringes.

I really need to stop reading up on subcultures instead of doing my work.
Like a report on forest fires. Or an essay about drug related films.

I like cookies. But I don't like feeling like I'm crumbling like one.
Maybe it's time to change the batter.

Sun, 01 Nov 2009 07:40:51 GMT

I think I lost myself along the way.

My brain is addled from moloko and probably eaten by zombies last night. I think...I don't know anymore.

Grunge is not dead.

Thu, 29 Oct 2009 19:46:22 GMT

Couldn't sleep and for some reason I thought of Kurt Cobain.