| (no subject) |
[Nov. 15th, 2009|02:57 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  indifferent | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | you've got to hide your love away- eddie veder | ] |
Sleeping in is good for you. |
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| first breath after a coma |
[Nov. 14th, 2009|05:08 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | calm | ] |
Sitting alone at starbucks isn't so bad actually. There's a sort of comfortable solitude and peace I derive from it. Perhaps the gorgeous weather helps alot too. Im glad I came out, this is the best I've felt in a while. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 14th, 2009|12:06 am] |
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I thought I was invisible in this house, but not knowing I was up all night in the bloody living room rushing my essay takes the cake. I think even if I shot myself in the hallway no one would realize either. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 13th, 2009|06:34 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  crushed | ] |
This being my last few sems in school, I really should have learnt to numb myself from the constant evidence of my stupidity. While I really shouldn't be wallowing over my petty miseries in life when others are going through even more devasting situations, I really can't help it. My mind just latches on to any small demon leering around the corner and just focuses on it like a hawk. It's almost as if I masochistically enjoy my self- loathing sessions, and not do anything to make myself better but just keep conjuring more and more demons out until I reach a living hell and just want to aphyxiated right at that point, or stab myself Elliot Smith style.
I tried to change things today and made myself a nice, heartwarming bowl of mushroom potage. But, it had to explode. And once again, here I am wallowing about how the whole universe is against me. I suppose I do have the perogative to do so, in a way. I'm not rich or gorgeous, well- adjusted with a nice family who have enough money to get by.
I think I'm just going to sleep, because everything is just getting out of control again and I don't know how to deal with it except escape. That's all I can do. I would rather jump off a building than confront my demons. One day, that just may happen. And we all know there aren't any superheroes to save you.
Perhaps I just need to crimp these blues away
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| this levee is about to break |
[Nov. 12th, 2009|06:34 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | restless | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | when the levee breaks- led zeppelin | ] |
On another note, I'm eating so much I feel like that fridge from Requiem for a Dream.
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| morrissey |
[Nov. 12th, 2009|04:12 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | been caught stealing- jane's addiction | ] |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 12th, 2009|02:34 pm] |
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I can't stop thinking that's I've lost you, no matter how needy that sounds. |
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| procrastination nation. |
[Nov. 10th, 2009|03:27 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | first breath of coma- explosions in the sky | ] |
So far I have:
1) Found three other post rock bands
2) Acquired a few new albums
3) Looked at design websites
4) Explored trip hop and decided I only like Massive Attack
5) Finish watching The Big Lebowski
6) Tabbed the Canterbury Tales.
HIghly productive I must say. Unfortunately, it's not in the realm of schoolwork. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 10th, 2009|12:56 am] |
I think I've been sleeping so much lately because putting up a front during the day just exhausts me.
I'm very scared to think that you have gone and try not to act as the hypersensitive clingy girl, but it's really getting much tougher. Everything is just breaking apart now, like the dream bubble that has held up its facade for so long that it's going to burst. I'm sick of trying to guess things. I'm sick of making excuses for you. I'm sick of my own naivity. I don't want to be alone again, think I need to escape to my sleep. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 10th, 2009|12:30 am] |
Mind fuck. I'm getting very tired of dealing and trying to figure out people. |
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| funny. |
[Nov. 8th, 2009|10:23 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | indifferent | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | the mighty rio grande- this will destroy you | ] |
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| street surfer |
[Nov. 8th, 2009|06:52 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  giddy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | it's natural to be afraid- explosions in the sky | ] |
I really do miss the streets and concrete surfing:(.
So Im up again at this godforsaken hour of six in the morning, a time where only padi rice farmers across Asia are up. Isolation festers depressing thoughts like tumours but lying in bed and immersing myself of the dark aural waves of Kronos Quartet makes a good escape. My head is spinning along with the swirls of post- rock progressions. Let's hope the day gets better. Starting with the room stop turning and my stomach stop churning.
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| it's a post rock revolution |
[Nov. 7th, 2009|03:01 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | mellow | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | this will destroy you- there are some remedies worse than disease | ] |
shuffle your feet and sway to some post rock.
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 5th, 2009|09:02 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  annoyed | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | flamenco sketches- miles davis | ] |
I'm up at 8am in the bloody morning because I woke up to the sound of pouring rain and wasn't able to go back to sleep. So now I'm stuck listening to Miles Davis and Tom Waits in an attempt to be poetic but I guess reading the Times magazine about the depleting tuna population isn't really all that jazz now is it. On the bright side, I get to catch my mum before she goes off to work = home cooked food. Well isn't that heartwarming like a bowl of soup and a sock monkey.
I REALLY wonder how it's like to be happy, contented and conventional. Listen to jason mraz and damien rice, loving food and being grateful to everything in life. Learning how to knit, cooking, posting up photos of wholesome fun. But no, I had to fall in love with rock n roll since primary 4, I had to pick up agro and skateboarding, I had to be lazy and be ambivalent about food (apart from desserts. omg. cookies!). I had to be weird, spout nonsense like I'm high and be unable to self- censor among normal people. While they post up pictures of that twilight dude, here I am posting up photos of dead rockers or those past their prime. Ok this self loathing has really got to stop. Shall go read on...discrimination in Japan to avoid such thoughts from inundating my brain so early in the morning. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 4th, 2009|09:02 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  blank | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | i want you(she's so heavy)- the beatles | ] |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 4th, 2009|04:44 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | bored | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | mr lee- delights | ] |
Just to procrastinate, here's are the movies I have to re/watch once the holidays hit:
American Hot Wax
The Graduate
Easy rider
Taking Woodstock
Blue Velvet
High Fidelity
The Crow
The Machinist
Psycho
Big Lebowski |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 4th, 2009|03:37 pm] |
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Even superheroes die. |
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| like a rolling stone |
[Nov. 3rd, 2009|03:12 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | mellow | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | emptiness inside- my bloody valentine | ] |
Naise kicks. So nice that now I'm severely poor to the point of destitution. Maybe I should learn to make shoes out of tape like this dude |
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theplaygroundx's journal
